Under the Ice
by skipperxotter
Summary: Emotions, they are worthless, they distort time and space. But locking them up will cost more than anyone can expect. Kopakacentric. Based on Saya Moonshadow's Dirty Window fic. Char. death and suicidal themes


Kopaka wasn't the emotionless bastard that the other Toa saw on the outside. He cared, cared too much for his brothers and sister. He had no words strong enough to describe how much he cared, so he never spoke, save when he had to. Sadness, pain, anger, happiness, he locked them away in his heart, freezing them, holding them. Keeping those, _emotions,_ from eating him alive.

It was necessary, it is needed. Emotions, they distort the very fabric of reality, making time and space, seem larger or smaller than they really are.

_+_+_+_

Missions, missions made up his life, executing missions, resting, and then going on another mission. His life was an endless cycle of work, no play, no rest. At times he cursed the icy wasteland that was his domain, it gave him precious little to do. If he wanted to occupy himself with work, he had to visit his siblings' lands, had to leave the protective numbing cold of his home.

When his brother died, he said nothing.

All he had done was turned and left the burial, ignoring the enrage glare that Tahu sent toward him, ignoring the shocked stares of the Matoran. Then he had run, run back to his frozen haven, to try and numb the burning pain that he felt. He had failed, he knew it, but that was not possible. He was perfect, perfect like the icy white snow that blanketed his lands.

_+_+_+

Lies.

He wasn't perfect, but he hid it. Hid it from himself, from his siblings, and his brother, his younger brother had paid. Dearly.

Lewa was dead.

Because of him. Because of his Mata Cursed pride.

An ironic smile crossed his face then, as he stood on the highest peak of his land, he never would have guessed that someone could die of a broken heart.

How easy would it be to fly, to plunge off the jagged glacier and fall into Lewa's old home. To fly like his brother had, to be free.

No. He could not. Would not do that, he was afraid of what Lewa would say to him, if there was an afterlife. He was afraid.

Afraid, yes, but determined.

Fear didn't stop him, oh no. He tried and tried, to sink into that sweet oblivion of death. But for some reason, the Spirits would not let him. Every time he jumped from a cliff, he would stand up at the bottom, bruised, bleeding, but alive. Daggers broken when he touched them with the intent of death, dangerous creatures fled when he came near. He was alone.

_+_+_+_

Truly, he was. His siblings never came out of their way to visit him anymore. Yes, they were polite, but he could see the flash of anger in Tahu eyes when they said hello. The sorrow that tinted Onuwa's voice. They weren't his siblings anymore, no more.

_+_+_+_

Every failed attempt made his heart grow heavier, a bitter rage that shrieked in his mind. A rage that the Toa of Ice blamed on everyone, the Matoran, his siblings, anyone but himself.

_+_+_+_

He cried, the last attempt to end his own life had failed, again. He cried, he didn't understand why, but he did. He had never cried, not over anything. But now, the tears where streaming down his mask, freezing on the floor as he begged, no _screamed_ for his brother to be returned to him.

The Matoran stayed outside his room, huddling fearfully, wondering what had happened to their proud guardian.

He cursed himself, swearing and pleading for the Spirits to give him just one more chance, just one minute, to say that he was sorry, that he loved his brother.

Hours, days pass and the Toa of Ice remained in his room, kneeling before the one picture that graced the frozen walls. Violent tremors wracked his frame, poetically matched with the whispered stream of prayers that flowed endlessly from his mouth.

Time passed and he lay on the floor, ignoring the tentative questions of the Matoran, the pleas of his sister for him to come out and tell her what was wrong.

He would not move till he received and answer.

He was on the verge of collapsing from pure fatigue, tears having dried up long ago, voice too hoarse to be heard. A gentle breeze warmed the room, thawing the frozen tears on his face.

_Very well, Toa Kopaka you will get your one chance…but you will only watch. To see two orphans bond in the ways that you failed to do with Lewa…_

Who where these young children? Who were they? Where would he find them?

_They are named Kino and Lito…they will find you Kopaka, Toa of Ice , they will find you. Now go, live, and wait. _

He stood, drained from his emotional breakdown. He would wait, even if it took a thousand years, he would wait.

And this time, he would make sure that the story would end differently.


End file.
